My Daddy, Bruce Alan Newbold, earned his wings on May 4th, 2016. Despite my begging and pleading with my Father in Heaven, my dad made the difficult decision to leave his earthly family and remain with his Heavenly family. Choosing to follow the Savior was not difficult for my Dad, it was having to leave behind his loved ones that was. My family and I have experienced so many wonderful tender mercies and spiritual experiences that continually make me so grateful to have the gospel in my life. I know that my Father in Heaven has not left me alone to wander the rest of my earth life without the love of my Dad, nor has he ignored me in my pleadings. But he has carried me, held me and comforted me in these dark times. After all, he himself has experienced them many times over. Not only with His only Begotten Son who was crucified for His plan and My sins, but I truly believe that he experiences this heartache EVERY TIME one of his children leaves behind sorrowful and broken hearts.
Many of my friends have said, "I did not know your Dad, but I know that he must have been a great man because of the kind of person you are." "You're dad must have been a wonderful man to have such a wonderful daughter like you." And the compliments continue. The first time I heard that I was taken by surprise a little because the comment was so genuine and it made me think a little about how my behavior reflects on my parents, even now as an adult and probably more so. Now that I am a parent myself I try relentlessly to teach my children proper manners and how to behave in public and of course I teach them to live the gospel. While serving as a Relief Society President for a few years I did more than 20 funerals. I participated in some way (usually music) and listened to what family members and friends left behind had to say about their dear loved one. What did they remember about them? At the end of every funeral, if I did not know who that person was at the beginning I certainly knew who they were at the end. One funeral had read a poem about the "dash" between the date of birth and the date of death talking about how that tiny little line represents all of the life they lived in between. It got me thinking about my life and what my children were going to say about me when I died. What will they remember most about me? After hearing the compliments above so many times I started thinking about what my Dad had taught me that reflected so much in me being the kind of person that I am today.
First, my dad taught me how to LIVE. My father was always so full of energy and life. My youngest sister had said in the hospital as we watched our father slip away, "he may have lived a short life, but he lived a full life." Truer words couldn't have been said about him. He knew how to live. He knew how to spend his precious moments on earth. My dad was always good at managing his time. I am not and it always annoyed him that I was always late to everything! He was always 10-15 minutes early and if he arrived right on time he was late! But more than that, he didn't waste his time with unimportant details. He worked hard so he could play hard. He worked to support his family and he even helped clean the house on Saturdays so he could play games or go to movies with his friends. He magnified his church callings to the fullest. He always went above and beyond what was expected of him. He is so passionate about everything. This he did pass on to me! Once he got an idea into his head there was no stopping him! He would get so excited about something and you got the feeling that he was going to change the world with that one idea. I tend to get overly excited about things as well and I actually love that about myself. I'm glad I got that trait because I also got his impatience! My father was a great man but sometimes when my friends would say, "Your dad is so cool!" I would respond, "Yes he is, but you don't have to live with him!" He was a strict father and grew up with a strict, impatient father. He lived in the time when spanking was a normal thing and I had my fair share of spankings....all undeserved of course! It was usually my little sister getting me into trouble! :) My father and I did not always see eye to eye on things. We butted heads a lot. He had a short temper and I do as well. I always felt an enormous amount of pressure to be perfect in every way. I never wanted to disappoint my parents and strived to always be good, but sometimes I did not succeed. Don't get me wrong, my father never put me down with words. He always tried to encourage me, but sometimes that encouragement came across to me as, "you're doing your best, but your best isn't good enough yet." I know he was trying to make me strong and be better, but as a child and teenager I didn't quite understand that. Once I became a parent myself, things started to make more sense.
One of my father's favorite sayings is, "Attitude is everything!" I've heard this phrase as far back as I can remember. We hated it when he said that! Now as an adult I see the wisdom in those words. He gave a Family Home Evening lesson one night that talked about this. He spelled out the word A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E and starting with the letter A and the number 1 he assigend each letter it's corresponding number. When you added them up it equaled 100. My father said that the attitude you put into things is 100% the result you will get. I have never forgotten that family home evening lesson and I have strived to teach it to my children. Anytime something comes up in my life that is difficult to handle, I think of this. I also think of his version of PMS-Poor Me Syndrome. I was not allowed to have PMS in front of my father and it all went back to the attitude. There was no point in feeling sorry for yourself. I explained to my father one day that I am a girl and sometimes I just cannot help crying. He looked at me and said, "then cry it out and then move on!" My father was very much like Nephi with his "Go and Do" attitude. He was not a "Sit and Stew" type. Because my father taught me these things I have been able to get through some pretty tough times in my life. The twenties of my life were not the happiest of times. In fact, it's pretty safe to say that they were some of the hardest times. But I learned this lesson after I was in a car accident and I had a nice long nasty scar on my face and I felt like Frankenstein. My father took me to a restaurant called, "Chicago Dog" in Murray. It is no longer there. We went through the drive thru and my father made sure that everyone could see me. I felt like a freak! My father explained to me that he only took very special people to this restaurant (I found out later my Mom had never been there!) and he thought I was special and wanted to prove that to the world. I explained how I felt and he told me that there is more to being special than just your looks. Soon my scars would heal and no one would even know what had happened, but it would be the way I handled the situation and the things I learned along that healing process that would stick with me forever and that's what people would see. He told me those scars could either be ugly or they could be beautiful. He compared them to the scars in the Savior's hands. He has those to remind people of what he went through for us and how he overcame that. Not to show bitterness and say, "look what you did to me!" I see my scar every day. Nobody else can see it, but I can. And I remember what it means to me. I don't feel like a freak, I feel special. Because I learned that lesson early on, I was able to draw upon that in my twenties when things were really hard. My father taught me that to Live is not simply to wake up every morning and breathe through the days of life, but to make those days count with your attitude and what you do with that time.
My father spent his days serving and loving every person he came in contact with. One of my father's best friends said, "Bruce knew no strangers. Everyone was a friend to him." Again, so true of my father. It would sometimes embarrass us as kids that Dad would talk to EVERYONE he came in contact with. He of course could see the waitress's name and would ask her where she was from, what school she attended, what she was doing with her life now, etc. He used her name several times. He would always thank them for their wonderful service and tip generously. Standing in line, he knew everything about the person next to him. He always called them by name and he was always on a first name basis with everyone he came in contact with. He thanked every officer, doctor, volunteer, receptionist, mailman, etc that he ever saw for their service. He knew people like the Savior knew people, by name. One of our remembered phrases of my Dad is, "So tell me..." That's how he would start his conversation and my Dad's friend said he witnessed the success of that phrase and would use it himself often to break the ice with someone, "and it works!" he said. "So tell me, what high school did you go to?" "So tell me, where are you from?" My dad was blessed with the gift of gab and he passed that along to me as well. But I also spent a lot of time listening to my Dad go on and on. And so now I am a good listener. My father was not until towards the end. My father felt he had to fix everything and not just listen. (I do too but I'm getting better at it!) My husband once told me how amazed he was that strangers would just open up and tell me their life story while standing in line at the grocery store. He said he had witnessed it many times. I know now that it's because I am a good listener because my dad taught me how to be. But he also taught me how to be compassionate towards others and help them through difficult times. Some times the tough love needs to come out, but most often it's just compassion. Unfortunately, I did not see just how much like the Savior my father truly was, until it was too late. I did not know this until the morning my Dad passed away, but he wore a bracelet every.single.day. that said "make a difference" on it. He would do at least one act of service every day to make a difference in someone's life and then turn his bracelet. One thing my Mom was inspired to do was to continue that legacy and pay it forward. At his viewing ("pre-party") and Celebration of Life we handed out bracelets that said "make a difference" on one side and "In loving memory of Newby 2016" on the other. That way we knew we were honoring him and what he spent his life doing, making a difference. And he MADE a difference in the lives of so many, but mostly mine.
My father also taught me to LAUGH. My father had quite the sense of humor. I do not have the same sense of humor as him. Sometimes he thought he was being funny but he was usually hurting my feelings. Yes, I am very sensitive and I may be known as the "prim and proper" one of the family (a trait I inherited from my Mother and one I cherish), but sometimes my Dad didn't think before things came out of his mouth...another trait I also inherited. But my Dad could always make me laugh and it used to make him laugh that I laughed so much. One day he commented on the fact that at that moment I thought everything was funny and I said, "well Dad, if people aren't laughing then you're not funny." My father didn't just bring laughter he brought pure JOY. He was always happy and tried to find the positive in everything. He dealt with hardships with laughter and was the type of person who could laugh at himself. My dad loved to have fun. He loved to play games of all sorts and he loved to make up games and he loved to turn everything into a game. Saturday mornings the house was literally booming with his loud classical rock music that he would crank up while doing Saturday chores and cleaning the house. He made up songs and changed the words of songs and even wrote some very beautiful music about pioneer ancestors, his Angel Mother and Father in-law, Christmas, and of course his Sweetheart. He loved to sit at the piano and make up his own compositions. Music brought him joy as it does to me. I have always said that I can express myself better through music than words could ever do. I think the same is true for him. When I was very little he asked in a sing songy voice, "Are you my friend?" and I replied in a sing songy voice, "No I'm your buddy!" He thought it was cute and tried it again, "Are you my friend?" "No, I'm your buddy!" He sang, "I love you," to which I sang back, "I love you." And he repeated, "I love you." "I love you." And then he ended the song with "Goody, goody, gumdrops." Which we sang together. We sang that together even as an adult and it was the last thing I sang to him before we let him go.
My father always tried to cheer people up and have fun. He knew when to be serious but he knew how to have fun. He was big on traditions and as I said before, he was passionate about things and once he got an idea he ran with it. If we played a game of fooseball on Labor Day, it was now a tradition. I am so grateful that he was big on tradition because now I do many of those traditions with my children. I teach them the same songs he learned as a child and that he then taught me, and I try to turn everything into a game or a song. I now see my daughter Emma doing that very thing when it's time to do chores. I learned from my Dad that positive things can always be found, no matter the circumstance. Why be sad when you can be happy? Why cry when you can laugh? Why be bored when there is always something fun to do? "Men are that they might have joy." My father had so much joy it was contagious!
The most important thing my father taught me though, was how to LOVE. Despite my father's short temper and lack of patience, not a day went by that I did not know my father loved me. He always told me in words, family time, and small gifts. My father wrote poems, songs, stories, and even a murder mystery dinner party for me. He always put thought into everything he did. My dad could be spontaneous and improvise with the best of them, but when it came to showing his love he definitely put a lot of thought into it.
My father ADORED my mother! There is no question amongst us siblings about the love and respect our dad had for our mom. He would hold her hand, squeeze her bumb, call her a fox, tell her she was hot, sexy and beautiful, and kiss her all the time. I learned how to embarrass my children by doing this with my husband now, and I love every minute of it! I hope that one day they will say the same thing about me.
My mom and his kids came first in his life. Family time was so important to him and we supported each other in everything! We went together as a family to sports, concerts, recitals, competitions, dance performances, school programs, plays, roadshows, whatever. We had to go and we had to support! And we are closer because of it. I remember when I was applying for my first job. He told me that I had to get a job that would let me have Monday nights off for Family Home Evening. I kind of thought I would take whatever job I could get. But I knew how important it was to him and so I thought of places that would respect that. My first job was at Deseret Book which was perfect. I loved books, I loved the environment, and they respected my request for Monday nights off.
My dad was very involved in each of our lives. Sometimes more involved than we wanted him to be! But it didn't matter what we were into, he was into it as well. My dad was a proud father to dancers, musicians, athletes, garage-rock-band members, and even went to Monster Truck Challenges with my brother. If we loved it, he did to. He was our biggest fan no matter what we were involved in.
My dad loved his grandchildren! He was a child himself and always giving them silly presents like pet rocks and digi pets. He and my Mom did a Cousins Camp every year for the past few years and he looked forward to it and made it bigger and better each year. My children comment on how funny and silly he is. My daughter Olivia comments every time we watch the movie Frozen, that she saw that movie with Grandma and Grandpa Newby for her birthday and that Grandpa calls her his "Frozen Buddy" every time he sees her...and he did. He played the digital game of Hay Day with my kids all the time and for some odd reason they loved to listen to him talk about his farm. They were just in awe at the high levels he was on and couldn't wait to see what new thing he had purchased for his farm. He always had special grandkid drinks and treats for them whenever we came over. He firmly believed that all children should have treats. He made every visit a special one.
My father loved his family and his pioneer ancestors. He loved doing Family History work. He and his father wrote short stories, songs, plays and books about their ancestors. My father achieved his life long dream of becoming a published author when he published his one and only book about one of my Mom's ancestors. I love that his book is not even about one of HIS ancestors but my mom's! He was so excited to meet Alexander Neighbur and I know that it was a wonderful reunion for him when he finally did. I love to learn about my ancestors and want so badly to get into Family History. I just feel like my Dad and Grandpa did it all! I am so grateful that he has shared his love and passion with us. He loved history and teaching me about historical moments and what we learned from them and what we gained. I love to learn history as well.
My father loved his country and he loved serving his country as a medic in the Air Force for 4 years. We had many family home evenings on the cost of freedom and liberty. We learned about the past Presidents and the men who signed the Declaration of Independence. Memorial Day and the 4th of July were two of his most favorite holidays. He loved to honor those who gave their lives for his freedom and for the promised land. He took every opportunity to show his gratitude and he took every opportunity to let people know how proud he was to serve as well.
The thing I know he loved the most (besides my mom) was the gospel. He had a love and excitement for the gospel that is unparalleled. His eyes would light up and his whole countenance would light up every time he talked about the gospel. He quoted from scriptures and talked about the Apostle Paul a lot. He loved to serve in his church callings, no matter what it was. He put everything he had into serving the Lord. He would always volunteer our family for service projects and talks and what not and was always the first to sign up for tithing settlement. He had a strong testimony of Home Teaching and did it faithfully my whole life. Every December his Home Teaching consisted of us getting all bundled up and caroling to his families. He would give them a special treat and a special message. This is a tradition he carried on with his grandchildren and I do it now for Visiting Teaching. When he asked, "Is there anything I can do to help you?" He truly meant ANYTHING and he wanted an answer! He could open doors when no one else could and his love and enthusiasm for the gospel was contagious. Many men who came to his viewing told me, "I would not have served a mission if it wasn't for your dad." And many said that my dad had influenced their lives in ways they could not explain. My dad loved to preach the gospel and he loved to teach the gospel and he loved to share the love of the Savior with his fellow man. He was faithful in his temple attendance, paying of tithes and offerings, and always raising the bar on himself with his callings. I know he always counted himself as unworthy and always in need of repentance, but he tried hard every day to live what he believed and he taught me more through his example than he did with words.
And so, as I reflect back on his life and how it has influenced mine, I see just how proud of him I am and I hope he is proud of me too. I hope that I will make my own children proud one day. I have a quote displayed in my house that says, "Your greatest contribution to heaven may not be something you do, but someone you raise." I will make it my life's long work to be his greatest contribution and to raise my children to be great contributions as well.
I know the gospel is true! I know that we have a loving Father in Heaven who has a plan. Even when bad things happen, he has a plan to help us get through it and to help us to greater things. I know that our Savior is our Redeemer and that he knows each one of us and died for each one of us. I know that no matter how unworthy we may feel he always has his arms outstretched waiting for us to fall into them. I know that families are Eternal and that I will see my father again soon. It will be tough to live on this earth without him, but I know that he is always with me and that I can carry him with me as I live my life the way he taught me, which is the way he lived his life as the Savior taught him. I am so grateful for the truths which I hold dear and rely on for strength to guide me through the turbulent times, provide light in the darkness, and give me peace and comfort through the sorrow. And I love the overwhelming feeling of warmth and love I feel when I draw closer to my Father in Heaven and feel of his Spirit and love for me. My dad always told me I was his star and that I needed to shine bright and be an example to my siblings and those around me and I will continue to shine the light of Christ as best as I can.
I love you Daddy! Although our time on earth is short, I know that you managed your time well! Don't be surprised if I'm late to come be with you. I always did try to cram to many things into a short time! I promise I will take care of Mom and my siblings for you. I promise I will teach my children the gospel. I promise I will love and respect my husband the way you loved and respected Mom. I promise to make a difference every day in the lives of others. Your last message of love engraved on your hand will always be a constant reminder that "Love Conquers All" and that it is love that we need to live!
In the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.
