Inching my way into the next stage of life...

I intend to use this blog as a way of journaling since I am not so good at it and not so good at scrapbooking. I will be writing random things, such as this, from time to time so beware!
Maddie came home from school Friday and I asked her about her day. She said she had a good day and that her friend Patrick (who likes to be called PG3) asked her to be her girlfriend. My alarm-bells in my head immediately all started going off and I had to calm myself before exploding with who knows what. I just smiled at her and said, "what did you say?" She told me that she felt awkward and asked her friend Nathaniel (who also has a crush on her) what to do and he said to tell her yes so she did. That was when I proceeded to lay down the boundaries. I told her that I was so glad people liked her and that she had a lot of friends and told her that she could be his friend and a girl but that there was to be no hand holding or kissing. Maddie has been boy crazy all her life and she really needs clear boundaries on this type of thing. Not just for social reasons (because social boundaries are a part of Asperger's) but for my sanity as well.
 I am not ready for this stage of life. I think I like the "baby-making-diaper-changing-potty-training" stage of life. I'm not ready for her to grow up and get into boys and dating and all of that yet. She is only 11 after all. She still needs to be in that "boys have cooties" stage. The problem is she has never been in that stage and she just can't wait to be married and be a mom. Much like I was at her age. That's probably what scares me the most...she's too much like me. So, I guess I just watch her grow and try to enjoy each little thing, including the things that might make me cringe. I just need to teach her and then send her out into the world to use what she's been taught.
Lisa Grace Byrne said in an interview once, "There is so much information out there. We have information at our fingertips. What we don't have is experience. We know certain things but we haven't experienced them." It's easy for me to drill certain things in her brain but I honestly believe that we learn best by doing and that our learning is not complete until we put into use those things which we have learned. Not just in school but in life.
She also talked about having the right tools for the right projects. She likened this information and experience thing to being given a catalog of thousands of tools and being told to pick a few for a project. The problem is that there are so many to choose from and you don't know what they all are or what they do or what types of projects you would use them for. So you select a few and then you are told ok, build your house. Well, you don't know how to build a house or know if you even have the right tools or all of the tools that you will need.  So that is what my job as the mother is, to teach my children the different tools that they will need for different things in their life and how to use them and when to use them. I also need to have patience with them and myself and try and teach all of these things in a positive and loving way. And, more importantly, I then need to have enough courage and confidence in my children to send them out into the world armed with their tools and allow them to build their own house. Give help when they need and ask for it and always be there for them, but let them do it themselves.
 Jason and I had the privilege of attending a marriage/family sealing of a friend of his from work. The sealer was just awesome and said so many things that were just so profound and inspiring. I wish I had a notebook with me to take notes. But one of the things I remember is that he said the Lord has prepared our children and the children to come to SURVIVE this world they are being sent to and all of the evils it holds. We as parents need to help their survival and it is up to us to teach them correct principles and values and live them as well. That was a profound and scary thought to me. Not a day goes by that I don't pray for angels to surround my children while they are out in the world away from me, and now I know why. I know that the Lord protects my children from afar but it is up to me and my husband to protect them while they are here. To help them put on their armour and wield the weapons they need to fight this world...and help them keep their armour on at all times and never let their guard down. Such humbling words that I hope I never forget and always ponder in my heart.

Nathan Turns 6 (finally!)

Because I am so far behind in my blogging and memory keeping, I am just going to start moving backward.
Birthdays are a HUGE deal to me! I try to make my children feel so special on their day that is ALL ABOUT THEM and CELEBRATING THEM! It's more important to me than Christmas! So Nate turned 6 on Aug. 12. He has been wanting to be 6 for a whole year for two reasons: 1) He gets to finally go to "a real school" (Kindergarten) and 2) Disneyland!!
The first time we went to Disneyland for a family vacation it just happened to be Maddie's 6th birthday. We made it really fun and special for her and so of course Emma (who would be 3 turning 4 at the time) wanted to go to Disneyland for her birthday. We said to ourselves, we've got two years. She'll forget about it by then right? NO! She reminded us every day for TWO YEARS that  we promised to take her to Disneyland for her birthday. I am not exaggerating that it was EVERYDAY! So, of course, we made it happen. Then when Nate turned 5 last year the girls graciously reminded him that we were going to go to Disneyland for his next birthday when he turned 6. Again, Jason and I hoped he'd forget about it but the girls kept reminding him.
 Unfortunately we didn't make it to Disneyland this year. I know, I know, I'm a HORRIBLE mother! I crushed my little boys dreams and I think I had a harder time with it than he did. I felt so bad that I even thought, "Oh, let's just put it on the card. I don't care! This is my little boy we're talking about!" or "maybe I can get a part-time job at night working at Walmart just long enough for me to save up for the trip." But in the end, we decided that it was better to crush his dreams than not be able to feed him (it's not that bad but that's what I had to tell myself.) We had the money from our tax return all squared away for that. But in January, Isaac was hospitalized for 4 days and had to have a tonsilectomy/adenoidectomy. That's where our Disneyland money went. Of course it was right at the first of the year when insurance starts all over. But hey we met our deductible for the year with that one visit right? WRONG! The company got sold and the new owners changed insurances 3 months later. So what we really told the kids was that we decided to help our little brother feel better and get healthy instead of going to Disneyland. How's that for a guilt trip! We told the kids clear back in February when all of the medical bills started coming in that we weren't going. But right up until the very last minute I was praying and finagaling and hoping and praying some more that we could make it work. It just didn't happen. He said he wanted to go camping more anyway. Really? Ok, we can do that! Nope! That didn't happen either. We are just such wonderful parents aren't we?!? So we did the next best thing and took the kids to LAGOON for the first time! There will be more about that in another entry.
His dream of going to Kindergarten did come true though. Whether or not he considers it a "real school" is still to be determined. If you read the entry entitled "Back to School", you'll understand the mixed emotions we have about the new school the kids are going to.
For his birthday cake he wanted a BYU cake. Because of the way our families work I have to make two cakes every year. So for the first one I just made cupcakes and formed them into a Y. There are a lot of kids on Jason's side and you know they just want to eat the frosting. So I always make cupcakes for that side of the family. (no pic yet. I can't take pics off of my phone and my mother in-law hasn't sent me the pic she took yet.)
 For my side there are more adults and so I made a really great fancy BYU cake using my "frosting with a coloring page" technique that I have posted about previously. Here's how awesome it looked!

I found blue raspberry frosting in a can and because I was being lazy and didn't want to make and tint frosting I used that. But I didn't add anything to thicken it up, again because I was being lazy, and so it didn't freeze...at all. So I couldn't get it off the paper. Yup, all of that hard work-right in to the garbage-as usual. So I quickly free handed this and said "Sorry Son! Birthday disappointment #3!"

I am actually a little proud of it seeing as how I have zero drawing or artistic skills at all. You can at least tell what it's supposed to be right? So not bad for a lefty free handing with frosting and doing it in a hurry!

We did manage to get one thing right...his birthday gift. This year we decided not to get the kids "things" but "time" and "memories." Nathan is now a member of the BYU Cosmo's Kids Club and gets to go to 2 football games and 4 basketball games and other sporting events and a fun t-shirt. And he gets to enjoy all of this with his father who is his ultimate hero. I had made this into a fun little card and taped some gum onto the back of it because he is a gum-aholic and of course the only thing he cared about at the time was the gum. Now he can't wait for November when he gets to go to the games. He was disappointed on his actual birthday when there was nothing for him to open. I tried to get these shoes that he really wanted in time for me to wrap and him to open...but they came a day or two later. Yep, birthday disappointment #4.

On his actual birthday  we went to McDonald's for lunch and then he chose to go to the Aquarium. It happened to be Shark Week so they had a fun bingo game and prizes and lots of sharks! We watched the 4D movie called the Great White Shark. He loves it. We had invited one of Maddie's friends to go with us. For friend birthdays we always do a "late night" or "friend date" as our gift to them. She chose to go to the aquarium. Great! But not for Nate...I was so into making sure that she had a good time that I completely forgot the real reason we were there-for Nate. I let Maddie and her friend take pictures in the photobooth, as is our tradition for birthdays, and took a ton of pictures of the two of them together. I asked the friend, "where do you want to go next?" the entire time. Nate kept bugging me about him and Livvy getting their pictures taken and I said, "not right now. This is for "so and so's" birthday."  Afterwards he had his first soccer game of the season. He scored about 5 goals and handed out birthday treats. Later that night I asked him if he had a fun day. He said, "well, yes and no." I asked what the no was for. "Well, it just felt like it wasn't my birthday at the aquarium. That it was only "so and so's" birthday. I kept asking to get my picture done with Livvy and Isaac but you just kept telling me no and I didn't get to choose what we saw next." Oh my heart just sank and tears came to my eyes. What more could I do to ruin my little boy's birthday! Birthday disappointment #5! I promised to take him again and no friends and we would do all of that stuff. So, a WEEK later when the girls had their first day of school but he had to wait one more week, I took him to the aquarium. He got his photos taken, he got to choose where we went and I may have even thrown in a frosty in the deal. He loved it and had a blast and loves to look at his pictures.

Nate, even though you had a lot of disappointments I hope you still know how special you are to me and what a wonderful little boy you are! I love you!

School Pics 2014

My kids already had their school pictures taken today. Seems like it's early for that but glad to have it done with. Olivia goes to a different school so she didn't have them done today. I'm sure hers will be within the next week or so. I took these pics this morning.

Ogden Temple Open House

Monday, August 25th, was Nate's first day of Kindergarten! It was also the day we went to the Ogden Temple Open House. I feel so privileged (and spoiled) to have so many new temple open houses and dedications so near by. My children have been able to go to the Draper Temple, Brigham City Temple and now the Ogden Temple. It's such a joy for me to be able to show them the beautiful, sacred things in the temple and talk to them about them and teach them about why it is so important that they strive to go to the Temple. Next April Maddie will be 12 and old enough to get a recommend to do Baptisms for the Dead and I am so excited for her! I learned (the hard way) that in order for me to go and do baptisms with her I need to have my own family names to do. I  have never done this before so this will be a challenge for me to get this done by her birthday!
Anyway, it was a wonderful day and we were so happy to have Daddy able to join us. My kids love their Dad so much and hate that he has to go to work everyday! The kids were well behaved for the most part. At dinner we asked them what their favorite part was. Everybody loved the baptistry and the Celestial room. The girls like the Bride's Dressing Room and Maddie said, "Dad, what does the boy room look like?" He said, "you walked through it." I didn't remember walking through the room so we both said, "No we didn't." He said, "It looks just like the boys dressing room for baptisms. Nothing special just stalls and lockers if I remember right." Maddie asked, "How come the boys don't get a fancy room?" And Nate responded, "Because only girls are fancy." I loved it!
Here are a few pics:

Back To School!

Nothing says "Mother of the Year" like waiting a year in between posts. Oh well, here's to another try...again. Anyway, my kids started school last week and this year is going to be an epic year. They are starting a new school, Nate started kindergarten and Olivia got accepted into a free preschool that is everyday for 3 hours...so pretty much like kindergarten. 

Because I am horrible at posting things, most of you do not know that Maddie was diagnosed with something similar to Asperger's last year. She was not born with Autism but because of the damage that all of her seizures did when she was little, they affected the same part of the brain that Asperger's does and she shows some similarities but not all of them. The neruo-psychologist who did her exam felt that she could not give her the diagnosis of Aspergers but gave her one called "Social Pragmatic Cognitive Disorder" and explained to us that it is similar and that all of the treatments are the same for Aspergers. So, it's easier for me to just say that she is High Functioning Aspergers. While Maddie's 5th grade teacher was so wonderful, trying to get and implement an IEP for her at school was so trying on my patience. I considered so many times just pulling her out of school and homeschooling because I basically had to reteach her everything "Maddie Style" (as we call it) anyway. Homework was the hour from Hell every.single.day! And I hated to make her go through it. Once we had the diagnosis and explanations from the various Dr.'s we saw, I started making some changes. One night during her math homework I told her she could choose between odd or even problems and only do those. Then I saw how they were trying to teach her this particular concept and nearly tore the paper up. 10 unnecessary steps trying to teach her "mental math" that were difficult even for me to understand. So I said, "Maddie, I am going to teach this to you Maddie Style." I was able to teach it to her and eliminate about half of the steps and she understood how to do it. We then proceeded onto the problems. She finished them all lickety-split and was so happy and confident in herself that she wanted to do all of the even problems as well. She finished her entire assignment in 15 minutes. It took her 15 minutes just to do one problem before this! When we were all done she was all smiles and giggles and said, "This was so much fun! I love doing math homework!" I just about fell off of my chair! I played it up by checking her for a fever to see if she was sick and we had a good talk about how she is very smart she just needs to learn it Maddie Style. After this experience I realized that keeping Maddie in a public school was just not going to cut it. So I made plans and started a search for a Charter School. Our Dr. had told us about Spectrum Academy that is charter school founded by parents of Autistic children. The problem was that there was a HUGE waiting list and the school was in North Salt Lake...like Woodscross Salt Lake! I felt like we could achieve the same results that I was looking for at a Charter School closer to home. I really wanted the smaller class sizes and individualized learning. Well, a friend told me that Spectrum Academy had just broken ground for another campus in Pleasant Grove! Right by my house! All I have to do is get on the free-way which is two minutes away and get off the next exit which is two minutes away and drive about two minutes more and I am there. So we put our names on the list and prayed. We got in and now my children go to Spectrum Academy in Pleasant Grove. 

Maddie had the most anxiety because she loved Shelley Elementary so much and didn't want to go to the new school. But after she went to Back to School night and had her first day I asked how it went. She said she wanted to stay because she felt like she could get the help she needed. Score! Emma and Nate we excited from the get go because they "get to wear whatever they want to school including hats and hoodies and we get to chew gum!" Hey-whatever makes you excited to go to school. It's me that has the problem with these two going. All summer long I was hyping it up to the kids and I truly felt so excited about them going...then I went to Back to School night and fear and dread just overwhelmed me. I forgot how intense Autism can be and I worried about my two children being around it and how they would handle it. These thoughts seriously made me so sick to my stomach for the entire week that I almost didn't send Nate to his first day of school and almost made arrangements for him and Emma to go back to Shelley. Emma says she likes the school and when I give her the choice to leave or stay she always chooses to stay. I still have my reservations but we are going to give it a few weeks and then decide what to do. The plan was to have the two kids go the first year with Maddie so that she didn't feel like she was being singled out and so she wouldn't be alone in a new school. They were just going to go for one year because then Maddie would be in Jr High and it wouldn't matter because she would be going to a different school anyway. In a Charter School 6th grade is considered Middle School and so she has 7 classes and a locker and has started that Middle School journey. She loves it! The plan was to also pull her out for High School so she could join choirs or teams or clubs if she wanted to. She won't have that opportunity at Spectrum and Spectrum goes all the way through High School.

I have to write all of this down so that I remind myself to stick to the plan! and also so that at the end of this experience I can look back and see if my initial feelings were promptings or just the thoughts of an extremely paranoid mother!

The first day was kind of anticlimactic for me. At Shelley they had balloons and music and all of the teachers were out cheering and high fiving the kids and welcoming them back to school. They had a fun theme that they would decorate with and it just made it fun. At Spectrum I pulled up to the curb, dropped them off and waved and kissed them, snapped a quick pic and drove off. But we have started and now we just do the best we can and see where it takes us.

Friday is their school pictures already so there will be more pics to come but here is a few of their first days. Nate started kindergarten a week later and Olivia started school the day after Nate.